Merry Christmas Eve, everyone!
What's Christmas without a party? Family and friends and neighbors and festivities and food and Christmas decorations and twinkling lights and presents and laughter and booze and tension and calls from drunken ex-husbands and overtired children and vomit found Christmas morning in the backyard and the occasional fisticuffs, ah, the memories...
The prepared host or hostess must take great care to accommodate every guest's needs, and play the role of addiction enabler at every opportunity. From offering your dieting Auntie another slice of pie to preparing your drunk Uncle another Manhattan, the prepared host or hostess should also make sure that any guests who prefer to char their own lungs with poisonous gases are able to do so with an appropriate amount of cheer.
I offer to you the Santa Ash Tray. Fill your holidays with mirth, and Santa's mouth with nicotine residue. Tap your ashes directly into his big blue eyes and rest your Pall Mall on his cute button nose. This thing's made of plastic, so it's sure to melt and leave charred black craters all over old Kris Kringle's face.
Merry Christmas, everyone, and to all, a good night.
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